Digital Transformation Solutions *by the best, for the rest!

Let us replace your inefficient, decentralised systems with newer, faster, better, but equally confusing solutions with 37% more acronyms!

*Our solutions are exclusively generated by a committee of expert consultants Gary and his unpaid intern.

Who needs bells, when you've got whistles?

We know it's just buttons and duct tape, but the truth is, it's probably all you need right now!

Capture your team's collective wisdom before 'you-know-who' gets hit by a bus.

Loved by businesses worldwide.

Our software solutions are so simple that people can’t help but fall in love with it. Simplicity is easy when you just skip all the tough stuff.

    • After the initial migration, we felt like a whole new company — mostly due to mass resignations, but still.

      Jay-Quellin McAlister
      CTO, Veritas Capital Advisory

    • Last month my cat ate our OTP pigeon. We were locked out the system for days.

      Clarissa D'moine
      Director of Operations, Northbridge Dynamics

    • Compliance said everything was fine until the auditors arrived. Turns out “AI-powered automation” doesn’t count as recordkeeping.

      Lennart Lightman
      General Partner, Orbis Finance Group

    • We embraced the cloud. Now no one knows where anything is. Advontier should change their slogan to 'ctrl-F all'.

      Frances W. Portman
      Digital Transformation Officer, Stratagem Partners

    • The dashboard looks amazing with beautiful graphs. Hardcoded chart-data, but clients love the aesthetic.

      Gregory “Gary” Van Der Fick
      Lead Software Engineer, Advontier

    • By the way,... we're back to using Excel and ChatGPT, just like everyone else.

      Clarissa D'moine
      Director of Operations, Northbridge Dynamics

We speak your language

Watch us walk the talk and confuscate corporate jargon to corroborate our credentials.

Low-Hanging Fruit

Let us point out the obvious.

Why climb the tree when there’s ripe fruit within arm’s reach? Ensure you only spend time making minimal effort looking like a strategic genius.

Leverage Synergies

Cross-functional efficiency gains and whatnots.

Grow your verticals by collaborating cross-functionally and driving paradigm-shifting USPs for key stakeholders. Because who needs sales when you can have USPs?

Circle Back & Touch Base

Meetings to make up for lost time.

Our transformations help you touch base, sync up, align, circle back, ping stakeholders, and repeat until morale improves. It’s all about closing the loop before we break for lunch.

Simple pricing, for everyone.

If you're still reading this, you're in for a treat.

The Pssst pssst... Package

$100 to the junior dev in a brown bag and don't ask any questions.

Free*

  • Unlimited seats until we fork user auth to production
  • Almost +50% uptime in most time zones
  • Free onboarding if you don't mention the brown bag
  • Free pigeon with every OTP
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Startup Silver

Ideal for VC-funded companies with excess runway.

$299/month

  • Dedicated Success Manager (currently on sabbatical)
  • We won't bill you before Due Diligence is signed off
  • Gary can join your all-hands as 'CTO' to cover your OpenAI costs
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Barter Bonanza

Come in on Sundays and QA production features. We'll leave a note at reception.

3 hours/week

  • Read-only access to our internal git repo (don't change the PATs)
  • WeWork access card to access all-you-can-drink coffee from the barista on the 3rd floor
  • Pet the pigeons we use to collect new feature requests
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Frequently asked questions

If these don't solve your issues, remember it's "FAQs" not FACTS.

    • Does it support SSO, LDAP, or OAuth2?

      We support SSO: “Sorta Signed-On.” But even that is buggy.

    • Can I export my data?

      Yes. Just copy and paste the whole screen. Preferably into Excel. Or Notepad. We don’t judge.

    • How is your uptime?

      We prefer the term "mostly available." Our servers rest when we do.

    • Do you have a mobile app?

      Yes! It’s our website in Safari with a 5px padding difference.

    • Can I manage access levels?

      Yes, tell people not to click on things they shouldn’t and you should be golden.

    • Will this software help our company scale?

      That depends. Are you scaling sideways into chaos, or upwards into insolvency?

    • hey are you picking up the oat milk or should i

      I forgot,.. get oat milk, dish tabs, and whatever that weird cheese was the cats like

    • bro did you push to production???

      why? whos asking? i mean, i guess it’s not like anyone is using this software yet.

    • wait is this the markdown file?

      i think so. clients are asking about the cheese?!?

Get started today

Buy our services,... so you can sell yours.